I was still losing weight and learning to love myself when I met my husband, Rob. How could somebody such as Rob ever like (or love) a person like me?I was afraid he would realize how much work I needed.You might assume that I was actively looking for a boyfriend on OKCupid. By creating an account on OKCupid, I was opening myself up to love, not setting a goal to find love. I asked myself: Losing weight was one way for me to do those things. In the end, those reasons didn’t motivate me enough to stick to my weight loss plans.Whether or not you need to lose weight depends upon your love for yourself. I began to lose weight when I started to become healthier.
Before you enter a relationship, you need to be able to give yourself what you want to give another.
I didn’t build up the courage to tell him until over a year after we met. My questions danced between two topics: did he know I liked him, and was it possible for him to like me, or someone like me—a fat girl. I wasn’t being subtle and yet he had made no counter-move.
When I confessed how I felt, he replied that he’d known the whole time. And, he’d known my feelings about him for over a year and never said anything. At the time, I told myself I wasn’t being obvious enough.
I was waiting for the moment when he would finally understand me and be repulsed. If you can’t love yourself, you won’t be able to understand why someone else would love you. I didn’t love myself and didn’t get much love from my distant family or friends. You can’t replace self-love with love from another.
I was waiting for him to tell me I wasn’t good enough, the way I told myself that every day. If you start a relationship when you don’t love yourself, you’ll have many hardships along the way. My peers were starting to have relationships as young as 12. In my experience, it’s better to let love come naturally.
I dwindled down my conversations to a handful who were smart, thoughtful and intriguing. If you can honestly say ‘yes’ to all those questions, you don’t need to lose weight to date. That’s not the way to find friends or maintain healthy relationships. I tried to lose weight because I thought I would make more friends.