“Don't go overboard in praising required behavior: 'We have only done our duty' (Luke ).
But do go overboard when your child confesses the truth, repents honestly, takes chances, and loves openly.
We all hurt sometimes in facing hard truths, but it makes us grow. But when she says, "I am moving out and will be open to getting back together when you are getting treatment for your addiction," then all of a sudden the addict feels "I need to get some help or I am going to lose my marriage." The need has been transferred.
It is the same with any kind of problematic behavior of a person who is not taking feedback and ownership.
Then, from his perspective, she had "changed" and had become "selfish." "She used to be nice, and now look! After a while, it came out directly, such as when she disagreed with him.
Then he would cry, "Foul."So they both got what they asked for. In his control he attracted an adaptive person who had a secret side and was indirect.
Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wills, our opinions, our separateness. The child breaks the rule again, and the parent manages the consequences and empathy that then turn the rule into reality and internal structure for the child.” ― Henry Cloud “If you continue to blame other people for “making” you feel guilty, they still have power over you, and you are saying that you will only feel good when they stop doing that. Stop blaming other people.” ― Henry Cloud, “If people are really narcissistic or have a need to be seen as more than they really are, or to be admired as having it all together, then they cannot be followed and trusted by others.” ― Henry Cloud, “When a child shuts down his painful emotional side, he also loses the ability to express his joyous side. With anger comes the ability to express delight; with sadness comes the ability to express lightheartedness.
Wait to talk about a future together until you’ve taken the time to build a foundation of commitment and trust.
Set aside time to think through and pray through them.
Debra Fileta, professional counselor and author of True Love Dates, says this: “More powerful than a kiss, more seductive than an embrace, there is something that happens when two people connect emotionally.
He would make all the decisions, and he would be strong and dependable. She would be sneaky and not tell him exactly what was going on.
Then, lo and behold, one day she would really "mess up" and have a wish contrary to somthing he wanted or valued. When they first met, she showed only half of who she was, hiding the other half, which would come out in sneaky, indirect ways.
And you are the one who may be keeping yourself from making the choices you could be happy with. Facing reality is usually not a damaging experience, even though it can hurt.” ― Henry Cloud “Page 142: "When a spouse says to the alcoholic, "you need to go to AA," that is obviously not true.